My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
