just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
