im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
