Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
