So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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