oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
