Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
