Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize