The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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