Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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