ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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