worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
