I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
