do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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