i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
