..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
