I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
