I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
