note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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