so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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