all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
