Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
