Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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