She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
