school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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