how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
