i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
