Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Your dad touched me again.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
