I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
