its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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