i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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