med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
