You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
