it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
