Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
