She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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