I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
cat food counts as protein by the way
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
