I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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