I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
