i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
