i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize