he wants to bone in the snuggie
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
its not stalking. its research.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
