How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
