If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
