i think i have two assholes
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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