doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
