I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Nicole vs. Life
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
