Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
