just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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