i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
