i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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