so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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