I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
