soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
