she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
