We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Someone came in the potted fern
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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