ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Can Purell be used as lube?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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