Reggie can tackle my bush.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
