I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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