she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
